Hey guys, I realized I might be referencing some jokes in the next few weeks. You should probably know what they are referring to or what the hell my backstory is for finding out about them. (Warning: this post might raise more questions than it answers.)
RIP – I don’t know why I keep saying this, actually, but it’s incredibly annoying and I should really stop. Basically, it’s my new version of “gg.” If I’m down in cs on League, it’s “RIP my cs.” If I die in League, it’s “RIP me.” Okay, maybe this one is used mainly for League stuff.
Variations upon “Fight me, ZBT basketball court, midnight” – this one came up when I ran into Evan quite drunk late one night. At one point I told him maybe he should calm down with all the drinking and he told me to fight him. I jokingly asked where and he recommended the basketball court behind Zeta Beta Tau, a Jewish fraternity not far from my dorm. I asked “what time?” and he said midnight. It was far past midnight, so I told him we would have to fight another day. As I was leaving, Evan told his friend that we were going to fight. I asked the friend if he would be Evan’s second in case I knocked him out with one punch (in his current state of inebriation, not unlikely). The friend replied immediately, with a stone-cold straight face, the second half of this joke: “have you SEEN my dick? It is six feet long. It is like a battleaxe. I would cut you in half, sir.” At this point, I went home, because although I was fully prepared to beat the fuck out of drunk Evan I was thoroughly unprepared to face off against the battleaxe-dicked friend of Evan.
“Boob Girl/dominant female” – Bruce and his roommate were both drunk one night and discussing the sizes of the breasts of various women they knew. At one point, Bruce’s roommate commented, “Yes, but your girlfriend is still the Boob Girl.” To this day, it is unclear what exactly he meant, but we surmised that he was attempting to express that Bruce’s girlfriend’s breasts were the largest breasts of all those breasts that he had observed. This joke was expanded when, inexplicably, a number of my female friends’ cycles began to line up with that of Bruce’s girlfriend. This also happened in the friend circle of one of my other friends with large breasts, prompting the hypothesis that breast size correlated with menstrual cycle dominance and a long-term competition in which the two of them spent all their time together to see which was the true “dominant female” of our friend group.
“Mint lemonade” – …guys, when I can see you pouring the rum into the glass, it is clearly a mojito. I don’t think I need to really explain this one.
That’s all the jokes I can think of. I’m quite a humorless person. Goodbye for now, but I’ll be back soon.