Boss: “You’re a minute late. Where were you?”
Me: “Sorry, I went AFK. Have minions spawned?”
As some of you may know, I am heading off to the University of Pennsylvania in the fall, and that date is swiftly approaching. Because of that, I’m leaving my job at the supermarket near Puedelag, and I’m having a little fun with my bosses and co-workers before I go.
Today, I was playing League but had to go; thus, I thought I’d play League at work. No, I don’t mean bring my computer to work… I mean make my job into League.
Boss: George, can you cashier on lane 5?
Me: Hmmmm. I usually play support.
Boss: What did you say?
Me: Am I soloing?
Boss: What are you talking about?
Me: Am I soloing mid lane?
Boss: Lane 5.
Me: Yeah. Am I soloing, or do I have a support?
Boss: A what?
This went on for about a minute before she figured out what I was trying to say.
Boss: No, you won’t have a bagger.
Me: Mid is not an express lane.
Boss: You just have to go do it. Go!
Me: But I didn’t buy anything yet.
Boss: Why the hell would you buy something? You’re working!
Me: I need health.
Boss: Are you asking for a sick day? Can you please just go work?
I’m supposed to call a manager over for a key every time someone buys alcohol. I found this a more appropriate way of getting their attention.
Me: Sir, wait while I call the manager.
Me: MID NEEDS GANK!
Most of my jokes went unnoticed, except for when I tried to hide in the “bushes,” (e.g. behind my register) and a customer found me. I was astonished. After break, I refused to go back to work for a few minutes, claiming that I was waiting for, “more minions to cover me,” and I paused after scanning each item because, “my ability is on cooldown.”
The manager did get a bit annoyed that I got stunned after coming into contact with ice cream; claiming that it was Nunu’s fault apparently didn’t appease her.
Nearby co-workers stared at me when I checked two people out quickly and yelled, “QUENTIN HAS CHECKED OUT TWO CUSTOMERS FOR A DOUBLE KILL!”
Me: Boss, can I go on break?
Me: I’m out of mana.
Every time I typed something wrong on the register, it was blamed on lag.
Customer: You rang that up twice.
Me: Sorry, it’s the lag.
At the end of the day, I announced loudly that I was falling back from the inner turret and proceeded to stand near the punchclock long enough to announce that I was, “recharging my health after barely making it out of there,” and warning co-workers to, “avoid the guy with all the waffles, he’s super fed.”
As always, thanks for reading.