It’s been quite some time since I posted; as I recall I left of with going to visit Clara. Which was awesome. I haven’t had the chance to spend much time with her since she graduated, for since then I’ve only seen her maybe three times? Each time we were able to talk for a few hours, but this was three days of just being with her and talking about life. I think I’ve figured out something (again). I like it when I can talk to someone openly. Maybe that’s why all the people early in my HISTORIES never really lasted, because I couldn’t talk to them as openly as I can with people nowadays.
Wow, that took a surprising emotional twist REALLY early on… Then again, the title of this post…
Anyway, Clara and I talked about not letting the past interfere with the present and future, and not letting it define who we are today. I didn’t quite agree with the “don’t let it define you,” because how can something that happened to you, and changed the way you look at events and the way you make decisions NOT define who you are? If something alters the way I perceive something, then I feel like that defines the way I look at it, which in turn defines me. You know? But I did agree with not letting the past interfere with the present, which is why/ how I was able to begin talking with Beatrice again. And I’m really enjoying it, because I hadn’t forgotten the reasons why I liked her. But seeing how easily we were able to put aside the past and pick up where we left off gives me hope that maybe it can work with other people, like *big breath* Roxie. I never really told anyone the full story of Roxie. And I don’t plan on it. Not yet at least. But maybe, just maybe, there’s a way to get back to where we were before the two of us started dating. Unsure of what George will think of that plan…
So, the reason there’s a cringe in the title is, well first let me explain why I chose that as a title. I really like that song by U2. Such a good song. If you haven’t heard it, please go check it out. I listened to it on repeat while running the other day, and it kept me going for around 3 miles. That’s pretty good for a single song. Anyway, I don’t use the word “beautiful.” Ever. It’s way to powerful. It’s like the phrase, “I love you.” Way to powerful to use normally. I only ever used it once, completely meaning it, and it wasn’t reciprocated. That was something that defined the way I am today. Fortunately, George and Lester were at my side to help me through that. I have explained in full my reasons (this is a very simplified explanation) for not using the word to only three people: Amy, Madison and Natalia. To me, that makes sense. On the other hand, it’s a very random trio.
I think I need to sleep.
I’ll See You,
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