Today, in the pool, I spent a lot of time looking down at the black line at the bottom. It’s in the center of the lane and it’s made of lots of little black tiles. You follow the line to know where to go if you somehow get lost in the lane. (Note: max. IQ of 5 required for getting lost in a swimming lane.)
The black line is very therapeutic. (Hence the title!) No matter how long I look at it, it’s just… black. Also, it’s really quiet underwater, which helps. Basically, it strips away all outside influences. There’s nothing else in the world except me, completely alone. (I suppose “alone” is a funny choice of word for someone who’s had a few slight multiple personality experiences to use, but as alone as I can be.)
Being alone gives me lots of good time to think and contemplate my thoughts. Sometimes that means overthinking, which can be bad, but today it gave me some nice time for my favorite, oddly accurate, habit: predicting the future! (I imagine lots of different results and what they all lead to and do probability trees and stuff. It’s lots of fun inside my brain every once in a while.)
So the first girl that jumped into my head was Girl 1. She is a swimmer, so if I admit my feelings for her around the end of the season and it goes badly, it’s not as if we’re going to see each other the same amount for the rest of the year. I hardly see her outside of practice (and even that is only brief moments each day) so it’s not like I’d be losing a huge portion of my life if, for whatever reason, she decided we couldn’t be friends anymore. I worked my way through a few possible methods of doing it, though, and realized that I don’t really have any reason to act right now. There’s still time later in spring. So, yes, I’m officially moving Girl 1 off the list for now.
Girl 2 did not enter my contemplations today. I’ll have to think about whether I want to do anything about my feelings for her another time.
Girl 3, on the third hand (wait… three hands? just go with it…) has been in my head a lot, and I haven’t had the chance to put any more writing in my journal to move those thoughts onto paper. She’s really quite awesome. I’ve talked to her a few more times this week, which has sparked this train of thought. I don’t think I emphasized this enough last time, but she is freakin’ beautiful. Between looks and personality, this girl is amazing. I’m just impressed a little more, every time I share a brief conversation with her, at how awesome she is.
So… yeah. I think my brain and writing this post put it together for me. Now I just have to decide what I want to do. This is always a delicate choice, so I have to be patient about it. I’ll let my subconscious start tackling it when I go to sleep, and hopefully I’ll have an answer soon enough.
That’s enough from me. Allons-y… may the planning begin. As always, thanks for reading!